1/8 Full

Bonding With Your Adopted Child

2010-01-30T12:18:00.003-06:00

I thought this was worth reposting from WikiHow. Here is the original link: http://www.wikihow.com/Bond-With-Your-Adopted-Child

Bonding with your adopted child can be easier than you think. The level of difficulty will vary depending on the child's age and the experiences they went through in foster care or with the biological parents, but this article assumes they are past the infant and toddler stage. The main thing to remember is that the child does want to be loved and find a stable and supportive home, no matter how distant or upset they may seem.

Steps

1 Spend time with your child, and show your love.Love the child. Let them know that you are there for them and that you would like to spend time with them.

2 Take the time to interact with your child, such as teaching him or her new things.Find activities that the child will be interested in that will benefit them intellectually and emotionally. Spend time with them so that you can learn more about them and bond.

3 If you live in a culture that values privacy and personal space (e.g., modern western cultures), give them a personal space to spend time in, and respect that space as theirs. Knock on the door before entering, and, no matter how much you may dislike it, allow them to decorate and paint (or help them paint) the room so that it is their own space. They need to feel that the new home is their own and that they can feel comfortable staying there. Howbeit this may not be practical if they must share rooms with others, as not every family is able to afford each family member his or her own space, especially in developing countries. It is more important to emphasise mutual love and respect for all members of the household.

4 If your child is of a different religion or nationality than you, respect it. Ask the child if they would like to celebrate certain holidays or parts of their heritage, and, if applicable, try to learning about them. Ask the child if they can help you to learn about the religion or heritage/celebration. Go to the library or search online about what is involved and have the child show you what they know about it. It may not be part of what you consider "the holidays" but it will need to be from now on. Even if the child doesn't speak up about it, you still need to ask if they would like to celebrate or learn about it. Otherwise, resentment may quietly build. Don't worry too much about holidays. Focus on unreserved love for the child, and taking care of his or her needs.

5 Ask questions, but don't pry. Talk about their past in an open way. Never try to hide the fact or forget the fact that they were adopted. Staying open and honest will make them trust you and will turn you into "mom or dad" faster than lying or faking it ever would.

6 Let the child have some control over the family choices. Let them choose a family dinner each night, a family activity each week, a game you play, or a movie you see. They need to have a little bit of control in a life that has previously been so out of their control.

7 Never put down or attack the biological parent's character. Even if they gave the child up for adoption for horrible reasons and even if you disagree with their lifestyle, don't tell the child that the biological parents were "bad" or "worthless". No good can come of this, it will only reflect badly upon you in the long run. Remember, if you have nothing good to say about someone, then do not say anything. Benjamin Franklin once said this regarding his success in interpersonal relationships: I speak of all the good things of men, and none of the bad.

8 Relax. The relationship will build with time. As the child begins to see that you respect and care about them, love will grow. They will slowly begin to see you as "mom or dad" and their early life will become less important as they become involved in school, sports, etc. Just try and be an open and honest parent, and everything will work out fine!

9 Know when to seek professional help. Many children are adopted from abusive homes, drug dealer homes, nonfunctional homes, and may have seen and been involved in harsh home situations. Quite often, the adopted child may have emotional issues and learning disabilities that may require professional help to overcome.

Y2K+X

2010-01-02T09:18:00.002-06:00

It had less of a following, but just as great a potential to paralyze our civilization. That’s right, Y2K+X or 2010 for those not wanting to do the math. It did, really. I wouldn’t joke about this kind of calamity. I mean, there are probably some IT guys still hiding under their desks with their Y2K survival kits that include a back pack full of bottled water, some ready to eat meals and their life savings in small bills. Michael S. Hyatt wrote The Y2K Survival Guide and made us all believe that cows were going to stop eating grass and corn would stop growing when the clock struck midnight ten years ago.

I was pretty lucky – in a way – I had waited to long to order my Y2K underground protection shelter and the construction company said they wouldn’t be able to get to mine in time. So, I did pretty much what the majority of the world did that night – I partied like a rock star and celebrated the turning of the millennium on the dance floor with a drink in hand! If we were going to go down, we were going to go down drunk and with a smile on our face! It seems like just yesterday. Maybe because yesterday was not all that different! Even so, it was still ten years ago. They say time flies when you are having fun – so I guess I’ve been having a blast!

I decided to make this my first interactive post – you know, as a tribute to all those IT people who saved our lives that cold, dark night some ten years ago as they diligently upgraded systems and ran tests that included fake dates. I’m asking you to respond to this post with the story of how you spent the changing of the millennium. And like every major corporation asked that year: don’t forget to include your contingency plan!

2010 Goals

2010-01-02T09:06:00.002-06:00

They say you should write down your goals and tell your friends what you plan to accomplish. It makes sense, really. I mean, unless your friends are jerks and would try to talk you out of doing something your heart desires. Not mine. I could tell them I wanted to do something dangerous and crazy and they would be there, beer in hand, cheering me on! I have the best friends.

So, in an effort to bring my goals for 2010 to fruition, I decided to write them down and share.

Professional
1) Keep a positive attitude!
2) Exceed my company’s sales goal by $100K.

Personal
1) Run a full marathon.
2) Complete a half Iron Man Triathlon.
3) Get to and maintain 170 pounds.
4) Read at least one book a month.

2009 Recap – The Year of Personal Growth

2009-12-15T10:19:00.004-06:00

- After 20 years I reconnected with an old friend named Kelly, who became one of my best friends this year!
- Mexico!
- I spent my (35th) first birthday with my birthmother.
- I started training in January for my first half marathon, I ran 5 days a week for 3 months – in April I beat my goal by running my first half marathon in under 2 hours! After I crossed the finish line I started crying.
- After eleven years with my company I became a victim of the economy and found myself unemployed for the first time since I was 14 years old! (I can now say thank you)
- What else do you do when you lose your job - one that had provided you a company car? I went out and bought a car I always wanted – a BMW – with a stick! Thanks Obama!
- I completed my first triathlon. It was a sprint, but it gave me a taste!
- Enjoying my unemployment freedom I decided to do something I had been previously unable to do and will probably not be able to do again until I retire. I spent the summer on my boat! I was rocked to sleep every night and it was truly amazing. I even named it “The Summer of Tony” – and it was.
- I ran a 24 minute 5k – a personal best!
- I loved and I lost.
- I completed my first Olympic distance triathlon – 1.5k swim, 40k bike, 10k run!
- I had the most incredible new career handed to me. It was literally laid in my lap.
- A dear friend Lisa challenged me to a race: The Lewis and Clark Half Marathon. I barely beat her, but was more excited that I beat my previous personal best time!
- I did my first Xterra triathlon.
- I ran a 6:40 mile – another personal best!
- After 19 years of not speaking to each other I reconnected with my oldest childhood friend, Aaron.
- I was a great father to an incredible daughter. I was able to watch her grow right before my eyes. There are so many wonderful memories I will never forget!

Blogging

2009-12-12T21:23:00.002-06:00

Dear Mr. 1/8 Full,

You have done a horrible job of blogging this year. While I understand your year was full of surprises, setbacks, and summers of… I would like to point out that it was you yourself who wanted this blog. It was also you who told yourself how much you enjoyed writing – which is odd, because I would have thought you could have come up with something blog worthy over, oh, say, the last six months! True, there was that one deleted post (sorry ~A), but nothing else? Really? I mean, I know you had all the intentions in the world a few times. I even remember you sitting down in front of the computer, but nothing came. I’ll stop being so critical if you promise to at least try again. Okay? Deal?

Signed,

The Voices Inside My Head

My Frist Triathlon

2009-05-13T11:44:00.006-05:00

Today I was asked to put together a paragraph about myself. A short description the announcers can use when they broadcast the race live on May 30th over the Principia College Internet Radio. I did just that below and thought I’d share on my blog:

Tony (me)

I am a 35 year old father to my beautiful three year old daughter Gracie. I have always been somewhat active; but never competitive in any of these disciplines. I grew up around the water and have always enjoyed swimming. Likewise, I have rode mountain bikes for years. I started running last year to impress a girl – for the record it worked! I did a few short 5 & 10k runs last fall and really enjoyed them. In January of this year I started training for the Go St. Louis half marathon and fell in love with the scheduled regimen and dedication it took to train five days a week – not to mention the physical benefits I saw in the mirror and on the scale! I set a goal of 2 hours and beat it by just over 1m 30s – I was ecstatic! I have always wanted to do a triathlon but in the past I was afraid of the run. With a solid base of running now under my belt I decided to sign up for the Lake St. Louis Olympic distance triathlon and started my training for that race this coming August. This sprint is my first triathlon and I’m super excited about the idea of putting together three activities I really enjoy!

http://www.escapetothebluffs.com/

A Gift

2009-03-31T10:16:00.008-05:00

“Music” by Henri Matisse (1907)

Music has always spoken to me, as it does so many. As a listener, we are afforded the creative freedom to bend lyrics - almost molding them around our personal situations as they seem to mostly fit. When we relate to a song it makes us smile and usually feels good. I'm good at molding. I like relating. I want that feeling! Sometimes our strongest desires make us hastily connect to certain lyrics that might not completely encompass our story. Yet, it still seems to work – it still feels good.

For the first time I have lyrics in front of me that need not be molded. They don’t call for wishful thinking to fit a certain situation – they don’t because they were written for me…

"Invisible Kisses"

Will you still be here when I return?
Where will you have gone in the meantime?
Your story could never disappoint me

Cloaked by the distance of space and time
Doesn't make them any less real
It makes me smile to think of the many kisses
I place on your forehead morning and night

I have felt you before and I am stronger for it
You are in my story, and I am in yours
Better told after our encounter

Cloaked by the distance of space and time
Doesn't make them any less real
It makes me smile to think of the many kisses
I place on your forehead morning and night

~

Smiling he says, thank you.

I Don't Hate Monday's!

2009-03-16T15:48:00.009-05:00

I spent the weekend on my boat – something I try to do religiously. My season starts sometime around the early part of March and often extends through the middle of November. It is a longer season than most experience - at least for this latitude of the Midwest - but then again, I rarely settle for practices acceptable by most! I went to bed early last night, knowing that I would be up much earlier than normal this morning to make the just over two-hour commute from my marina to the office. The gentle movement from the wind and waves, the familiar sounds of the marine air and the many motors and pumps operating rhythmically throughout the night are coupled with the seasonal smells of the lake and offer a deep serenity unlike anything else in my world. Even the short and narrow bed comfortably reminds me of my whereabouts and presence aboard my weekend retreat. The alarm on my phone set for four-O-early A.M. seemed a mild penance for the extra hours afforded with “her” this weekend.

A cup of coffee later I was heading east toward the e-mails, voice-mails, and the Monday morning meetings. After watching the sun rise over the many fog laden fields and forests along the back roads of Missouri I started catching up with some friends in typical texting fashion. (yes, I text while driving) The conversations from this morning were cheerful and bright for such an early hour; a very drastic contrast to the radio DJ who was allowing these miserable souls to phone in and explain why they hated Mondays. The callers sounded like they were describing a man who had brutally murdered their children – you could hear the anger and pure hatred in their voices. I kept turning the station out of disgust but inevitably found myself lured back by the genre and the music that flowed in-between callers; only to have the misery that loves company force my right arm toward the round dial again. "I’m not like them, I don’t hate Mondays," I thought. In fact, there is not much I do hate. I don’t love my job, I don’t love leaving the boat when the weekend is over and I really don’t even care that much for winter. I don’t like mayonnaise, I don’t like Brittney Spears, and I don’t like politics – but rarely will you see or hear me dwell on these things. Our energy is so much better spent focusing on the things we do enjoy, the things that, when we influence them, will make a positive difference in someone’s life!

The following is a small section of the text:

Me: …I got to watch the sunrise while driving – beautiful
Texting Friend: That sounds nice. R u tired?
Me: I got up at 5 to get ready, almost at office. I’m a bit sore from yesterday but not really tired, feeling pretty good!
Texting Friend: Sounds like you had an amazing weekend. Although I get the feeling u have those a lot.
Me: Hah… Well I strive for an amazing everything! There is no need to settle for any less!
Texting Friend: When we were looking at ur profile last night. Ur statement under ur pic describes u perfectly…..when I read it I said. Yep that’s tony.

Happy Birthday to Me

2009-03-13T12:06:00.004-05:00

I sit her today full of emotions. Emotions that are so very different from the ones I’ve experienced previously around this time of the year. The holiday-less calendar hanging on the cluttered wall to my right shows only a few days until my first birthday. While it is true that I’ll be celebrating thirty-five years of life, this year marks the first time I’ll be celebrating my birthday with the woman who gave birth to me and then gave me away for a better life – my birth mother, Diana. Our story is truly amazing, deserving of an entire novel, my blog is deserving of a post, and I need to write - something, desperately.

Birthdays were always hard. Birthdays were the one day of the year when (or if) any hope existed that She was thinking about me – this would be the day. Past emotions bordered on depression, sadness, hopelessness, and inanition; while simultaneously I would experience the exact opposite of each of those feelings. The internal emotional conflict adoptees face throughout there life, but especially on their birthday, are beyond my writing abilities. I’m struggling here - wanting to try to accurately articulate my experiences so that others might gain a better understanding into our lives. The following is my best attempt: “Happy Birthday” they tell you. The day you feel like crying and laughing at the same time - all day - while screaming to world from the top of the highest building but feeling like you are stuck inside a dark closet surrounded by your family but feeling totally alone. The day you question your existence; not just your purpose in life, but truly your existence in this world while smiling as you blow out the candles of the cake offered to you as a celebration – something you can’t quite come to terms with yet. So defenselessly you repress those feelings and you cry into your pillow that night not knowing what to do or how to feel, only knowing that your birthday is unlike everyone else’s and it’s really not that happy.

Last year, on my 34th birthday I figured out what I needed to do. I started my search. Less than three weeks later I was sitting at the kitchen table, sobbing, as the woman who gave birth to me was holding my naked feet in her hands for the first time...

My birthday also coincides with a holiday known more so for its green beer and a random excuse to party in the middle of March. I’ve had multiple invitations for the evening’s affairs but can think of only one person I would like to spend my birthday with this year – my first birthday with my birth mother.

Politics

2009-01-08T11:31:00.003-06:00

I was told once that I was a Republican. It was an interesting and humorous conversation. I had invited some friends aboard my boat; they brought with them some additional friends that I had never met. One was a Republican who held an elected position within our state. Throughout the evening - as you might imagine - politics were discussed. Mind you, I try to steer clear of these conversations as often as possible due to my own mixed views and often lack of knowledge to speak intelligently on most political subjects. At one point however, this guy suggested I was in fact a Republican. I actually stopped him and questioned his quick labeling of my voting record. Up until that point I had not added to any of the conversations in a way that could have offered insight into my views; but without missing a beat he said, “You own a f*&!ing yacht! You are a Republican!”

Over the years I have mostly allowed that label to stick. Very often though, find myself having serious issues with many of the ideas, beliefs, and the people associated with both parties. I rarely find myself talking politics unless I get dragged into the conversation. I find that I have very deep rooted beliefs which are emotionally tied to who I am and the choices I make. Some fall on the left, some on the right.

When I came across the above bumper sticker I laughed! Clearly I enjoy “half-full” references and I think this one speaks volumes about what is wrong with the two-party system in our country.

The Picture in the Mirror

2008-12-31T10:56:00.002-06:00

It’s easy to critique a picture…

We throw stones. Big ones. Don’t we? We hurl them as hard and as far as we can! And it usually feels good! We look for validation of our own actions, our own humanity hidden among the defects, the secrets, and the faults of others. It is easy to look closely at a picture and do just this. We find those things we want to see, those things we need to see.

Can you do the same with a mirror?

As the year comes to an end, we hear people talking about the future and the past. We hear about New Year’s resolutions and reflections from the past year. When we reflect on the last year we take a look into the proverbial mirror of our own life. Sometimes we are our own worst critic and sometimes we stand so close to the mirror we are unable or unwilling to see our own shortcomings. We can use these reflections to change our lives.

An old adage says that people resist change but there is an equally as popular one that says we embrace tradition. The changing of the calendar offers us a chance to shake our personal Etch A Sketch, erase the past, and make a conscious decision to do something, anything, differently this year.

Look in the mirror and find yourself. I did.

One Year To The Day...

2008-12-29T15:06:00.000-06:00

On December 19, 2007 I sat down and tearfully explained - to a woman I had never met, knew little about, yet longed for quite terribly – why I was reaching out to her after all these years. I mark that date as the true beginning and the start of the last of my many searches for my birthmother. On that cold wintry Wednesday evening by myself, I embarked on a short journey of a trip I had waited my entire life to take.

I have spent very little time with other adoptees. I have felt alone in my own personal battles up until I found a book called Adoption Healing by Joe Scoll. Great read and highly recommended for anyone involved in adoption or even in a relationship with someone who is involved in adoption. It really opens your eyes to just how fucked up we are; but I digress. My personal experiences with other adoptees have been limited to a few conversations with my search specialist, one adoptee, and the aforementioned book. Always looking for social normalcy and confirmation of my own life, I yearned for more of these encounters.

Over the summer I had the opportunity to meet a girl named Tara. It was far from love at first sight. We didn’t even hit it off that well. Few words were exchanged that night and I knew not who she was or her story. Through a random encounter with a friend of hers at a sandwich shop some time later, we exchanged information and agreed to a get-together of some sort - at some time, and left it at that. Months later it was on. We had agreed to a time and place and the three of us, plus a few others, were going to go have some drinks and call it a night on the town. Through random conversation over wine that night, I quickly realized how this person sitting at the table next to me had endured and faced such a similar life. It was on the table: she was adopted. And like me, she had searched and found her birth mother this past year. Due of the dynamics of the evening it was challenging to continue the conversation I couldn’t let go. The evening ended even though the story had not.

Faced with family, schedules, and responsibilities it was some time before we would be able to meet again. Through complete random chance, on December 19, 2008 I found myself sitting alone with the one person who could understand better than anyone what the last year of my life had entailed. Tara and I shared our respective stories and I found solace in her familiar fears, her experiences, her joys, all along knowing that our parallel paths had converged on that once distant horizon of our respective lives.

Here is to December 19th and all of my brothers and sisters through adoption!

Vodka - Part 2

2008-11-17T08:12:00.000-06:00

Where to start? I guess when I'm done laughing at myself I might come up with something clever to say. I thought about editing the post; maybe make it a little less "drunk". I even considered deleting it altogether and pretending it never happened. I mean, not that many people have seen it yet, right?

The last year of my life has been pretty interesting in many ways. Due to several life changing events I’ve had the opportunity to grow as a person in some very positive ways. While the post below may seem oxymoron-ish to the statement above, I’d like to try to tie them together.

I believe people are - for the most part - good. I think we try to do the right thing, which results in happiness, and we all want to be happy. I believe and grip this philosophy. I’m genuinely a happy person full of energy and life. But this doesn’t mean I don’t still do stupid things from time to time – I do. But I live with very few regrets; I’m not saying I don’t have regrets either, because - I do. But I can’t do anything with a regret, other than regret it. I typically can’t take back an action or choice. I can’t undo what I did. But what I can do is learn from my experiences – and I’ve been learning a lot and learning the hard way! These experiences have and are molding me into the person I am becoming and the one I want to be – and I’m really starting to like this guy! With that said, I’m opting to share the bad with the good and not edit or delete my drunk post – that’s definitely a part of who I am and I’m embracing my actions and saying, yep, that’s me! Enjoy!

…did I hear someone say tequila?

Drunk Blogging!!!

2008-11-16T00:08:00.000-06:00

F'ing A!!!!

After a pletheora - f'it, i'm drunk, I don't need to know how to spell, much less try to use big words for YOU - after a pelethora (spelled differenly on purpose to prove I'm only have drunk) of drunk emails sent tonight to people who probably should not be getting emails from ME - I decided to make a blog post. Why the f- not? Seriously, we all do it from time to time, and I figured I could look back at this when I was sober and go, wow, Tony, you really need to lock up the Vodka, because that shit works! Either that or come up with a password that any drunk guy - or sober guy for that matter can hack! Well, this has been fun and that's about all I got, off to make another vodka/7 and delete some more old emails. Hope you all enjoy as much as I will tomorrow! Oh, why do I get the feeling this is going to hurt?

Peace out, N1!~

My First 10K!

2008-11-13T09:34:00.000-06:00

I’ve never been a runner. I think the combination of relatively slow speeds, lack of adrenaline creating situations, and constant physical output required sort of ranked it up there with a weekend visit to the (now former) in-laws. My turning point happened just this summer. In an attempt to get back the single body I’ve never had (inside joke: I’ve not been single since I was a kid) and I think, initially, to impress a girl – I ran.

The first run was 3 miles. Pre run jitters told me I might as well be running the Boston Marathon – 3 miles? Seriously, that’s far in a car! But I sucked it up and ran. It wasn’t that bad, in fact, I made the entire run without walking! For reasons still unknown to me I started to enjoy running. In a matter of weeks I got past the point of “I’m going to die, this sucks!” and slipped into the “ok, if I head straight home after work I should be able to do the loop around my neighborhood before….” It was turning into an addiction. I was buying new shoes, special socks, and shorts with underwear stitched in the crotch! I was running frequently and adding distance and hills to my route. It was fun!

A friend who has done a lot of sponsored runs suggested I join their group for an upcoming 10K Halloween based “Pumpkin Run” – how could I say no?

It was an awesome experience – full of adrenaline and fun people! I have no doubt more will be in my future! Training for 13.1!

Oh God No! Not a Religious Post!

2008-11-11T10:26:00.000-06:00

While my religious beliefs are just that - my own - I can, and do, appreciate humor. Even religious humor found amid church billboards trying to coerce us in their doors. The following is a collection of real-world examples found along the roads of the Midwest:

GOD ANSWERS KNEE-MAIL

GOD WORKS IN THE LOST AND FOUND DEPARTMENT

YOU TAKE ETERNITY: SMOKING OR NON-SMOKING?

CONSIDERING CATHALOSIM? HERE’S A SIGN

FORBIDDEN FRUIT CREATES MANY JAMS

TRY OUR SUNDAYS. THEY ARE BETTER THAN BASKIN-ROBINS.

“DON’T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE” – GOD

WHAT PART OF “THOU SHAULT NOT….” DIDN’T YOU UNDERSTAND – GOD

KEEP USING MY NAME IN VAIN, I’LL MAKE RUSH HOUR LONGER – GOD

PREVENT TRUTH DECAY, BURSH UP ON YOUR BIBLE

WAL-MART ISN’T THE ONLY SAVING PLACE!

Seen in front of a church promoting Sunday morning coffee/donuts: Je-ho-va’s Java

The Goal

2008-10-13T11:09:00.001-05:00

"You miss 100% of the shots you never take."
Wayne Gretzky

Live, Laugh, and Love

2008-10-06T13:15:00.000-05:00

"I hope your dreams take you... to the corners of your smiles, to the highest of your hopes, to the windows of your opportunities, and to the most special places your heart has ever known."

~Unknown

Nicholas Sparks

2008-10-01T10:46:00.000-05:00

I realize I don’t quite fit the demographics for his novels. That doesn’t bother me. I rather enjoy telling people, “Actually, I have read every book Nicholas Sparks has written.” Women usually say, “Really?” as they furrow their brow and question my sexuality; while most guys are like, “Who?” Aside from the ability to tout such an accomplishment, I do in fact enjoy his sappy North Carolina based romantic love stories where the guy always gets the girl – even if he loses her in the end. I’m not ashamed of being a hopeless romantic. Don’t get me wrong, I still love the smell of 2-stroke motor oil and have considered wearing WD-40 as cologne; I just happen to find his work entertaining.

Yesterday marked a banner day for all Nicholas Sparks fans as his 14th book, “The Lucky One” went on sale! I promptly made my way to Borders after work and have the 326 pages of hardbound bliss in my grubby little mitts! Unfortunately, I have to finish another book before I will allow myself to start this one. Talk about motivation for finishing a book you've not been enjoying! I just hope one box of Kleenex is enough!

Marriage

2008-09-25T14:12:00.000-05:00

Marriage hath in it less of beauty but more of safety, than the single life; it hath more care, but less danger, it is more merry, and more sad; it is fuller of sorrows, and fuller of joys; it lies under more burdens, but it is supported by all the strengths of love and charity, and those burdens are delightful.

-Bishop Jeremy Taylor

I offer this quote to my sister and her new husband as they start their journey through life together. My best wishes and support are with you both!

Additional pictures: http://ericaandcurt.shutterfly.com/

Music

2008-08-11T12:48:00.000-05:00

According to our friends over at Wiki: Music is an art form in which the medium is sound organized in time. Common elements of music are pitch (which governs melody and harmony), rhythm (and its associated concepts tempo, meter, and articulation), dynamics, and the sonic qualities of timbre and texture. The word derives from Greek μουσική (mousike), "(art) of the Muses".

To me, music rates up there with food and water, maybe even air. I try to surround myself with music as often as I can and sleep with my stereo on every night. It started out as an escape from my world. Songs would allow me to enter their world - the worlds created by my song selection. The worlds that were better than mine, worse than mine, and different from mine; worlds that were full of the emotions I wanted and needed. I still think music fulfills some of these deepest needs and ultimately makes me feel better; a sort of self-prescribed dosage of Paxil if you will.

Music has the ability to make me laugh, to make me cry, to wake me up, to put me to sleep, to make me happy and make me sad, to move me and stop me in my tracks, it has been there when no one else was and is present when I’m with all my friends, it has taken my breath and helped me breathe, it has filled me with love and been there when I lost love. Music has never failed me and so I shall continue to listen.

I love all types of music, but most often find myself listening to alternative rock, country, 80’s, and folk. Anything acoustic gets me – it just seems so real.

Creating a top 10 list proved to be more challenging than I expected. So many artists are incredible in their own way, but the following are ones I have either seen in concert or never tire of listening to:

Cartel
Counting Crows
The Cure
Damien Rice
Death Cab for Cutie
Indigo Girls
Lifehouse
Midnight Oil
Train
Vertical Horizon

To A Friend

2008-08-06T15:10:00.000-05:00

Edna St. Vincent Millay

"I shall forget you presently, my dear"

I shall forget you presently, my dear,
So make the most of this, your little day,
Your little month, your little half a year,
Ere I forget, or die, or move away,
And we are done forever; by and by
I shall forget you, as I said, but now,
If you entreat me with your loveliest lie
I will protest you with my favorite vow.
I would indeed that love were longer-lived,
And vows were not so brittle as they are,
But so it is, and nature has contrived
To struggle on without a break thus far,
Whether or not we find what we are seeking
Is idle, biologically speaking.

Edit: To the PA friend. I'm sorry if you thought this was harsh, it was not intended to be. I think it was recieved exactly as it was intended. Nevertheless, the following might be more approriate and fitting.

....

If you wait for me then Ill come for you
Although I’ve traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart
If you think of me, if you miss me once in awhile
Then Ill return to you
Ill return and fill that space in your heart

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
Ill find my way back to you
If you’ll be waiting
If you dream of me like I dream of you
In a place that’s warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
Ill find my way back to you
If you’ll be waiting
I’ve longed for you and I have desired
To see your face your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
Ill find my way back to you
If you’ll be waiting
I’ve longed for you and I have desired
To see your face, your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
Ill find my way back to you
Please say you’ll be waiting

Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise if its one that you can keep, I vow to come for you
If you wait for me and say you’ll hold
A place for me in your heart.

She Gave Me Away

2008-07-30T11:27:00.000-05:00

An amazing friend of mine recently introduced me to Mark Schultz. He is a christian songwriter and singer who was adopted. He wrote a song for his birth mother that I really enjoyed. The following you tube videos are of him describing the story behind the song (remember, I love getting the story) and the actual song. I'll also post the lyrics so you can sing along!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z61zdZJ9uZc&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhqJYOYcnAU&NR=1

Mark Schultz Lyrics - Everything To Me Lyrics

I must have felt your tears
When they took me from your arms
I’m sure I must have heard you say goodbye
Lonely and afraid had you made a big mistake
Could an ocean even hold the tears you cried

But you had dreams for me
You wanted the best for me
And you made the only choice you could that night

(Chorus)
You gave life to me
A brand new world to see
Like playing baseball in the yard with dad at night
Mom reading Goodnight Moon
And praying in my room
So if you worry if your choice was right
You gave me up but you gave everything to me

And if I saw you on the street
Would you know that it was me
And would your eyes be blue or green like mine
Would we share a warm embrace
Would you know me in your heart
Or would you smile and let me walk on by
Knowing you had dreams for me
You wanted the best for me
And I hope that you’d be proud of who I am

(Chorus)
You gave life to me
A chance to find my dreams
And a chance to fall in love
You should have seen her shining face
On our wedding day
Oh is this the dream you had in mind
When you gave me up
You gave everything to me

And when I see you there
Watching from heaven’s gates
Into your arms
I’m gonna run
And when you look in my eyes
You can see my whole life
See who I was
And who I’ve become

This Makes Me Smile

2008-07-21T14:24:00.000-05:00

"Drawing is just two things, putting lines on paper, and deciding where they go."

James A. Owen

BFF

2008-07-20T15:52:00.000-05:00

This one is simple, thanks to my good friend Chris, who spent the weekend with me being a friend and helping me find happiness again.

To My Friend

2008-07-02T15:19:00.000-05:00

His name was Lance. He was truly my best friend up until he took his own life in 2003. I met Lance only a few years earlier, he knew me by reputation and showed up at my front door one day. I had been heavily involved in the local wakeboarding community; I helped out our local dealer, competed competitively, and taught a group of local riders - mostly kids that wanted to compete in local tournaments. He purchased a boat from the local dealer that I helped and was privy to my involvement. Coincidentally, his parents also happened to live in my neighborhood. I don’t know how long Lance knew me before I knew him, but one day when I had my boat in my driveway he stopped by and wanted to talk wakeboarding. I warmly welcomed him in. Lance was instantly the type of guy that you just had to like. His outgoing personality and sense of humor was wonderful. We instantly became wakeboarding buddies and friends. Lance was the first guy that I allowed really close to me. I have always been the type of guy that just “took care of it” on my own. I would use my toes to hold a screw before I allowed someone to help me. I tell you this because at some point Lance showed me how he could not only be my friend, but be the guy who could hold my screw when needed. Lance was a big part of my life. We hung out together, wakeboarded together and enjoyed each other’s company.

Lance was only a few years older than me with a wife, a 5 year old daughter and a 7 year old son. The fall and winter of 2002 his marriage became rocky. His wife was having an affair with a man at her work. This devastated Lance and he threatened suicide. He was admitted to a hospital where he convinced doctors he was not suicidal – he was good at knowing what to say. His wife filed a restraining order as she feared for her safety after his suicide attempt. He started living at his parent’s house just up the street from our house. Consequently he spent much of his time at our house; which we welcomed. He loved his wife and wanted nothing more than to be with her. She gave up on their marriage, but Lance would not. While he tired everything to mend their relationship she only wanted him to stay away. Lance consoled our family and due to our past we were able to help explain some of the decisions she made and pain he was experiencing. We spoke regularly on the phone when he was working or needed someone to help him through some of the hard times.

The day before Lance left, I briefly spoke to him on the phone. I was home sick, lying on the couch when he called. He was going through another “tough time” and wanted nothing more than to talk to me on the phone. I was sick and very short with him. He was able to quickly tell I was not in the mood and did not keep me on the phone very long. The next day I received a frantic phone call from his wife saying he had threatened suicide again and left their house after he had gathered a bunch of odd items like the garden hose.

Months went by. People randomly provided reports of seeing Lance at the grocery store. They would spot his truck in a parking lot or some other similar sighting. But none of the reports or police investigations turned up anything. The news finally came during deer season in the fall of 2003. I remember hugging and crying in the arms of Lance’s mother while we both were only able to mumble “it’s over.”

In typical “my buddy Lance” fashion, he duck taped the windows and doors of his truck and then did the same with a garden hose he placed in the exhaust. A hunter found his truck in some thick woods not far from a major road. He was missing for nearly 6 months.

At his funeral they asked his family and friends to stand up and tell a story about Lance’s life. I had chosen a story about one of our many wakeboarding outings, one that made me smile. In front of a church full of his family and friends I stood up and tried to speak. I managed to get four words out before I broke down in tears. “Lance was my friend” I said, before I lost complete control of my emotions. Take time to be there for your friends, you never know when it might be your last opportunity – this is one of many lessons I learned from Lance.

I miss you so much.

The Summer Solstice

2008-06-20T08:58:00.000-05:00

Sandals, shorts and an optional T-shirt: my summer wardrobe.

On the longest day of the year and the first day of summer I am as giddy as a 7 year old boy on Christmas Eve. Throw in the fact that this year it comes on a Friday, right before a “lake” weekend, and you have a big kid that is going to accomplish very little at work! If you haven’t noticed yet, today marks the beginning of my favorite season. A season where you turn the heated seats off and keep your swimsuit on. A season that offers long evenings which often extend into the night and bathtub-warm water that invites you in, over and over again. Here’s to cold beer, the warmth of the sun, the sweet smell of coconut oils and tanned bodies! Summer is upon us.

I’m extremely excited about this summer. I have more reasons than ever to welcome in the season with open arms and a smile. I'm off to work on my tan!

The - Guitar - Song

2008-05-21T20:42:00.000-05:00

Hey Kitten, whatcha doin'?
Wanna play the guitar?
You say, what's that sound
Coming out of the hole in the wood?
You say, what's that sound
Coming out of the hole in the wood?
You say, what's that sound
Coming out of the hole in the wood?
It's the guitar

"The Guitar Song" - The Dead Milkmen

My ability to play music stops at iTunes. I've always wanted to play a musical instrument. I remember being disappointed back in second grade when we were all given a "recorder" and had to learn to play - I remember thinking that we were each going to be given a "tape recorder" and somehow were going to be taught the proper way to play such a device - don't forget this was the 80's and a serious skill was to be able to synchronize the play button with the record&play button on dual tape decks. Granted, I never pursued an illustrious career as a recorder player, but have always wanted to play something.

I created a sort of goals list, not quite the bucket list, but things I'd like to do or learn. I was recently able to scratch off my #1 (finding my birth mother) so now it is on to #2 - learn to play the violin. So I changed my mind since I wrote the list - besides I've been told learning to play the guitar is a great foundation for learning to play the violin. With that said, I picked up an Ibanez acoustic guitar last night and can't wait until I know what I'm doing - so feel free to provide me any comments regarding learning to play.

My stimulus check went to good use - actually, I think I've spent it about 4 times!

Open Letter to My Birth Mother

2008-05-13T23:24:00.000-05:00

The process of searching for a birth parent is overwhelming. But my guide through this process suggested I write a letter to my birth mother, so if/when they found her they could let her know why I wanted to meet her. A few beers, one cold December eveing, and a shit load of tears later I had the following letter saved on the hard-drive of my laptop. My hopes were that she would read this letter and agree to consent - meaning she would allow the courts to release her information to me so we could communicate and start a relationship:

To the woman who gave birth to me:

December 19,2007

Dear Mom,

I love you. Rarely does a day go by that I do not think about you in some fashion. I wonder about the woman you were, the person you have become, and the unimaginable choice you had to make. I question whether you think about me and how I have grown. I wonder what you look like and where I got my dark hair, hazel colored eyes, and love for music. I speculate about your life without me and reflect on my life without you.

I admire you for your decision and your choice - the choice that afforded me a childhood that did not know hard-times, poverty, or hunger. I grew up with a family that loved me like one of their own – if not better. I am full of hope, love, and questions, not resentment, bitterness, or animosity.

I grew up always knowing I was adopted. I cannot recall a time when I thought or knew otherwise. I praise my adoptive parents for this. Nonetheless, I wanted to know more about you, my birthmother, from the time I could comprehend the meaning of adoption. These feelings only grew stronger as I grew older and as I questioned my own heritage. When I was eighteen, I was able to receive non-identifying information about you and your family. These three pages were, and have been, my only tangible link to you. I’ve read them over and over, and while they only capture you at a single moment in time they bestow me with just that – a view through a window into your life of some thirty plus years ago.

Since then, I’ve tried numerous methods of trying to find you. I’ve registered with the state, I’ve contacted the children’s home, I’ve registered on countless internet adoption match and registry sites. I’ve even tried a few other things…. All to no avail.

I’m writing you this letter as your son - the one that kicked you from the inside of your womb, the one you think about every St. Patrick’s Day – asking you to allow me back into your life, to let me to see your face and speak your name. I ache for these simple pleasures.

Your loving son,

Anthony Patrick – “Michael”

(she agreed to consent before they even read my letter to her)

Happy, Happy, Happy - Mother's Day

2008-05-13T22:23:00.000-05:00

I've yet to figure out how to superscript text on the blog. I'd love to be able to put the little cubed reference - #3 in superscript anytime I referenced my mothers. Yes, I have three. It all started out many years ago when I only had one. But today I sit here enjoying the love of the three most wonderful, unique, and caring women a boy could ever imagine having as a mother.

Please let me introduce (with the full story still to come):

Mother #1

(Picture is missing in action: per her request.)

The mother who changed my diapers, raised me, and made me the person I am today.

Mother #2

The mother I feel honored to call a mother - we cried on each others shoulders as she lost a son and I lost my best friend. I will never fill his shoes or the hole in left in our respective lives. But our relationships' fulfill some of our deepest needs. She has guided me through the storms and has been there with open arms, a warm meal, and a "place" in her life when I had none of the above.

Mother #3

My birth mother. An unbelievable woman who sacrificed her paternal rights for me - yes, for me! Thirty-four (34) years of unanswered questions, wondering, searching, and countless tears brought us together this year. The experience has been one of emotion, speechlessness, tears, joy, happiness, unimaginable feelings....it has seemed surreal but then oh so real.

(The full story will be in theaters Fall, 2010)

Narcissism

2008-05-08T11:47:00.000-05:00

I'll admit that I enjoy talking about myself.

I would consider myself humble, at least until you got to know me. I'm troubled with the idea of writing a lot about myself, it seems so narcissistic. Which, to me, seems to incorporate a negative connotation. Ah, fuck it... we are all friends here, right? And last time I checked I was the only one with a password for this blog.....and it's not like I'm making you read this!

So, let me describe myself: I am a thirty-four year old guy. My world revolves around my two-year old daughter, Gracie. I am also a thrill seeker. However, I think the more current term is adrenaline junkie. I have more hobbies than free time - which is an issue. I'm working on a way to balance these two facets of my life. In no particular order I love boating (i.e., anything involving water: wakeboarding, jet-skiing, SCUBA diving, swimming, surfing, fishing, yachting - wow, that sounds yuppie), motorcycles - street and dirt, bicycling - mountain and road, skate(ing) - boarding and ice, golf, and let's throw in guns and motors in case there wasn't enough testosterone already there. I love being outdoors and doing something - anything. I'm self-diagnosed with an adult version of ADD. Which means I don't do well at family type events where I'm forced to sit all day.

Other things that might help you get to know me: I rarely watch TV. In fact, I don't have cable or satellite - just an antenna and some local stations! I am a music man. My stereo is my life. I listen to everything and love music, of all types, especially acoustic. However, I have little to no musical abilities with the exception of being able to sing along with the music at extremely high levels in my car - yes, I'm "that guy" - the one you see singing in his car - hate me if you must. I have also developed an enjoyment for reading. Oh, god.... I don't believe I'm about to admit this, but for some reason it feels therapeutic to get this out in the open: I have read every book Nicholas Sparks has written. Did I forget to mention I am not gay, not that I have a problem with that, just that I really enjoy women, especially this one: http://www.daughterofopinion.blogspot.com/.

I'm adopted. This is huge. In fact, this has shaped my life more than any other single event. It has truly made me the person I am in so many ways. Today, as I sit here and type this I am enjoying the love of not one mother, but three. (yeah, I know, I'll have to explain). Did I mention that it's a good thing? I'm grinning as I type, it is a good thing!

I also have a day job. I have a background in electronics and business management and I currently do sales and marketing for a electronics manufacture. It provides me a lot of freedom and experiences I would have never experienced on my own....and it helps support my aforementioned hobbies above. I have also enjoyed being a slum-lord in the past and have a knack for fixing and fixing up things. Oh, and I almost forgot, I have a lead foot - which is starting to get expensive!

That's pretty much me....

Tony

(I forgot to say "cheese")

email findings

2008-05-05T09:55:00.000-05:00

"As an Alumnus of the KARRASS Effective Negotiating program, you will receive a tip each month."

I ran across one of these this morning as I was deleting old emails. I actually enjoy receiving these because they are often filled with positive ideas and concepts that I try to incorporate into my life. The one I found today I had not deleted because it stood out when I first saw it. I should have moved it or deleted it but didn't. I now realize it had a purpose for being there; and that purpose was to share on this blog.

Per Dr. Karrass' mass email:

"If you think you can, or if you think you can't, you are right!"

#2

2008-05-04T20:56:00.000-05:00

1/8 Full was my second choice. My first, was an old addage I came up with many years ago that has helped me overcome many insurmountable projects by stepping back, taking a deep breath and realizing we are equipped to do anything we set our minds to.

"Nothing in life is difficult, somethings just take longer."

(blogspot had a character limit on blog titles)

The Story Behind the Name.

2008-05-04T20:30:00.000-05:00

In a play called “The Price” by Arthur Miller, the main character suggests, getting the story is as important as getting the price. I’m a sucker for stories, which is one of the reasons why I created this blog. To expand on this, I wanted to share some of my own stories as a way of giving back a little of what I have been so fortunate to receive over the years. I’m also hoping this blog will provide a creative outlet for some of my pent up energies.

They say there is a direct correlation between optimism and success and I couldn’t agree more. I’ve always been pretty optimistic and I’ve continued to enjoy a certain level of success. But this last year has brought unimaginable wealth into my life. Mind you, not necessarily in the form of my bank account, but in the nature of emotional fulfillment beyond even my (your) wildest dreams. (1)

This all leads up to a recent discussion where I was inevitably taking “the glass is half full” side of the argument, when it came to me, that I was so optimistic about the outcome of the said event, that even if my glass was less than ½ full, I’d still be calling it “full!” That discussion helped me coin my phrase and the now title of this blog “1/8 Full.” (2) It’s my optimistic way of saying, even when we don’t have much we make the most of what we have.

I intend for this blog to maintain an optimistic outlook. However, I realize it might have its down days. I’ll do my best to make it a place of refuge for those looking for a collection of nice little stories. I do hope you enjoy.

1) Moody Blues Reference – I will write more about this later.
2) Granted, any fraction less than ½ will work, but 1/8 shows commitment and helps prevent someone from trying to steal the idea with a “7 Minute Abs” (3) style conundrum.
3) Something About Mary - Hitchiker and Ted’s conversation: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0129387/quotes

Test

2008-05-02T15:51:00.000-05:00

The first post is supposed to be meaningful isn't it?