The process of searching for a birth parent is overwhelming. But my guide through this process suggested I write a letter to my birth mother, so if/when they found her they could let her know why I wanted to meet her. A few beers, one cold December eveing, and a shit load of tears later I had the following letter saved on the hard-drive of my laptop. My hopes were that she would read this letter and agree to consent - meaning she would allow the courts to release her information to me so we could communicate and start a relationship:
To the woman who gave birth to me:
December 19,2007
Dear Mom,
I love you. Rarely does a day go by that I do not think about you in some fashion. I wonder about the woman you were, the person you have become, and the unimaginable choice you had to make. I question whether you think about me and how I have grown. I wonder what you look like and where I got my dark hair, hazel colored eyes, and love for music. I speculate about your life without me and reflect on my life without you.
I admire you for your decision and your choice - the choice that afforded me a childhood that did not know hard-times, poverty, or hunger. I grew up with a family that loved me like one of their own – if not better. I am full of hope, love, and questions, not resentment, bitterness, or animosity.
I grew up always knowing I was adopted. I cannot recall a time when I thought or knew otherwise. I praise my adoptive parents for this. Nonetheless, I wanted to know more about you, my birthmother, from the time I could comprehend the meaning of adoption. These feelings only grew stronger as I grew older and as I questioned my own heritage. When I was eighteen, I was able to receive non-identifying information about you and your family. These three pages were, and have been, my only tangible link to you. I’ve read them over and over, and while they only capture you at a single moment in time they bestow me with just that – a view through a window into your life of some thirty plus years ago.
Since then, I’ve tried numerous methods of trying to find you. I’ve registered with the state, I’ve contacted the children’s home, I’ve registered on countless internet adoption match and registry sites. I’ve even tried a few other things…. All to no avail.
I’m writing you this letter as your son - the one that kicked you from the inside of your womb, the one you think about every St. Patrick’s Day – asking you to allow me back into your life, to let me to see your face and speak your name. I ache for these simple pleasures.
Your loving son,
Anthony Patrick – “Michael”
(she agreed to consent before they even read my letter to her)
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8 comments:
I remember you calling me that same cold, December evening and asking me to read this letter - I remember logging on to e-mail with you still on the phone, reading it and crying. I remember telling you how perfect it was...how I wouldn't change a thing.
That was indeed a perfect letter, and I'm so glad that you were able to meet her and add to the mothers in your life. What a wonderful gift.
I am adopted as well. This was one of the most heartfelt letters I have ever read. Thank you for sharing it.
I'm 38 and adopted at the age of 2 days. Closed adoption, searches are near to impossible. Court says I basically need to be dying in order to open my records....I'm starting a search, going on a search of my birth mother's name....Beverly Hamilton. I was born in Euless, Tx. Your letter is a true inspiration.
Posted with permission:
Hi Tony,
Thank you for your letter. I say this because I have a son that was given up for adoption 18 years ago and I hope that since he is now an adult he will also feel the same way about me that you do about her and maybe one day we can meet again. I cried my eyes out but the tears were wonderful because it's shows that there is a chance they willl love you. I hope my story turns out the same as yours. I didn't post on your site or on the adoption site because I am a very private person to a certain extent and very few people in my life now know about my son. I hope to change that if we ever connect but at that time it will be a wonderful experience that I will be ready to share with everyone. Thank you again, this means alot.
Tony,
How beautiful. Thank you for sharing this with "the world". I am a birthmother, who now has tears in my eyes, after reading your letter. My son is not quite six yrs old and we have an open adoption. Nonetheless, it's so touching to read your words of love for your birthmom.
Shelley
I was adopted at birth and always had the curiosities that adopted children have in life. When I was 37 years old I found out I had 3 half sisters and one half brother (when the brother that I had grown up with passed away in open heart surgery)
It took me years but after searching and searching I found those half siblings but my birth mother refused to meet me. I met all of my half siblings and their families. It was such a thrill but I still would love to know who fathered me. I am trying to write my biological mother a letter to ask her if she would be kind enough to tell me who fathered me.
Wish me luck
EC in EC
What a heartfelt letter. I am truly moved. I am also adopted and in the process of searching for my biological mother. Reading your letter gives me hope that I will find my mother and she will accept me back into her life. Thank you for sharing.
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