Marriage

Marriage hath in it less of beauty but more of safety, than the single life; it hath more care, but less danger, it is more merry, and more sad; it is fuller of sorrows, and fuller of joys; it lies under more burdens, but it is supported by all the strengths of love and charity, and those burdens are delightful.

-Bishop Jeremy Taylor

I offer this quote to my sister and her new husband as they start their journey through life together. My best wishes and support are with you both!

Additional pictures: http://ericaandcurt.shutterfly.com/

Music

According to our friends over at Wiki: Music is an art form in which the medium is sound organized in time. Common elements of music are pitch (which governs melody and harmony), rhythm (and its associated concepts tempo, meter, and articulation), dynamics, and the sonic qualities of timbre and texture. The word derives from Greek μουσική (mousike), "(art) of the Muses".

To me, music rates up there with food and water, maybe even air. I try to surround myself with music as often as I can and sleep with my stereo on every night. It started out as an escape from my world. Songs would allow me to enter their world - the worlds created by my song selection. The worlds that were better than mine, worse than mine, and different from mine; worlds that were full of the emotions I wanted and needed. I still think music fulfills some of these deepest needs and ultimately makes me feel better; a sort of self-prescribed dosage of Paxil if you will.

Music has the ability to make me laugh, to make me cry, to wake me up, to put me to sleep, to make me happy and make me sad, to move me and stop me in my tracks, it has been there when no one else was and is present when I’m with all my friends, it has taken my breath and helped me breathe, it has filled me with love and been there when I lost love. Music has never failed me and so I shall continue to listen.

I love all types of music, but most often find myself listening to alternative rock, country, 80’s, and folk. Anything acoustic gets me – it just seems so real.

Creating a top 10 list proved to be more challenging than I expected. So many artists are incredible in their own way, but the following are ones I have either seen in concert or never tire of listening to:

Cartel
Counting Crows
The Cure
Damien Rice
Death Cab for Cutie
Indigo Girls
Lifehouse
Midnight Oil
Train
Vertical Horizon

To A Friend

Edna St. Vincent Millay

"I shall forget you presently, my dear"

I shall forget you presently, my dear,
So make the most of this, your little day,
Your little month, your little half a year,
Ere I forget, or die, or move away,
And we are done forever; by and by
I shall forget you, as I said, but now,
If you entreat me with your loveliest lie
I will protest you with my favorite vow.
I would indeed that love were longer-lived,
And vows were not so brittle as they are,
But so it is, and nature has contrived
To struggle on without a break thus far,
Whether or not we find what we are seeking
Is idle, biologically speaking.

Edit: To the PA friend. I'm sorry if you thought this was harsh, it was not intended to be. I think it was recieved exactly as it was intended. Nevertheless, the following might be more approriate and fitting.

....

If you wait for me then Ill come for you
Although I’ve traveled far
I always hold a place for you in my heart
If you think of me, if you miss me once in awhile
Then Ill return to you
Ill return and fill that space in your heart

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
Ill find my way back to you
If you’ll be waiting
If you dream of me like I dream of you
In a place that’s warm and dark
In a place where I can feel the beating of your heart

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
Ill find my way back to you
If you’ll be waiting
I’ve longed for you and I have desired
To see your face your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
Ill find my way back to you
If you’ll be waiting
I’ve longed for you and I have desired
To see your face, your smile
To be with you wherever you are

Remembering
Your touch
Your kiss
Your warm embrace
Ill find my way back to you
Please say you’ll be waiting

Together again
It would feel so good to be
In your arms
Where all my journeys end
If you can make a promise if its one that you can keep, I vow to come for you
If you wait for me and say you’ll hold
A place for me in your heart.

She Gave Me Away

An amazing friend of mine recently introduced me to Mark Schultz. He is a christian songwriter and singer who was adopted. He wrote a song for his birth mother that I really enjoyed. The following you tube videos are of him describing the story behind the song (remember, I love getting the story) and the actual song. I'll also post the lyrics so you can sing along!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z61zdZJ9uZc&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhqJYOYcnAU&NR=1


Mark Schultz Lyrics - Everything To Me Lyrics

I must have felt your tears
When they took me from your arms
I’m sure I must have heard you say goodbye
Lonely and afraid had you made a big mistake
Could an ocean even hold the tears you cried

But you had dreams for me
You wanted the best for me
And you made the only choice you could that night

(Chorus)
You gave life to me
A brand new world to see
Like playing baseball in the yard with dad at night
Mom reading Goodnight Moon
And praying in my room
So if you worry if your choice was right
You gave me up but you gave everything to me

And if I saw you on the street
Would you know that it was me
And would your eyes be blue or green like mine
Would we share a warm embrace
Would you know me in your heart
Or would you smile and let me walk on by
Knowing you had dreams for me
You wanted the best for me
And I hope that you’d be proud of who I am

(Chorus)
You gave life to me
A chance to find my dreams
And a chance to fall in love
You should have seen her shining face
On our wedding day
Oh is this the dream you had in mind
When you gave me up
You gave everything to me

And when I see you there
Watching from heaven’s gates
Into your arms
I’m gonna run
And when you look in my eyes
You can see my whole life
See who I was
And who I’ve become

This Makes Me Smile

"Drawing is just two things, putting lines on paper, and deciding where they go."

James A. Owen

BFF

This one is simple, thanks to my good friend Chris, who spent the weekend with me being a friend and helping me find happiness again.

To My Friend

His name was Lance. He was truly my best friend up until he took his own life in 2003. I met Lance only a few years earlier, he knew me by reputation and showed up at my front door one day. I had been heavily involved in the local wakeboarding community; I helped out our local dealer, competed competitively, and taught a group of local riders - mostly kids that wanted to compete in local tournaments. He purchased a boat from the local dealer that I helped and was privy to my involvement. Coincidentally, his parents also happened to live in my neighborhood. I don’t know how long Lance knew me before I knew him, but one day when I had my boat in my driveway he stopped by and wanted to talk wakeboarding. I warmly welcomed him in. Lance was instantly the type of guy that you just had to like. His outgoing personality and sense of humor was wonderful. We instantly became wakeboarding buddies and friends. Lance was the first guy that I allowed really close to me. I have always been the type of guy that just “took care of it” on my own. I would use my toes to hold a screw before I allowed someone to help me. I tell you this because at some point Lance showed me how he could not only be my friend, but be the guy who could hold my screw when needed. Lance was a big part of my life. We hung out together, wakeboarded together and enjoyed each other’s company.

Lance was only a few years older than me with a wife, a 5 year old daughter and a 7 year old son. The fall and winter of 2002 his marriage became rocky. His wife was having an affair with a man at her work. This devastated Lance and he threatened suicide. He was admitted to a hospital where he convinced doctors he was not suicidal – he was good at knowing what to say. His wife filed a restraining order as she feared for her safety after his suicide attempt. He started living at his parent’s house just up the street from our house. Consequently he spent much of his time at our house; which we welcomed. He loved his wife and wanted nothing more than to be with her. She gave up on their marriage, but Lance would not. While he tired everything to mend their relationship she only wanted him to stay away. Lance consoled our family and due to our past we were able to help explain some of the decisions she made and pain he was experiencing. We spoke regularly on the phone when he was working or needed someone to help him through some of the hard times.

The day before Lance left, I briefly spoke to him on the phone. I was home sick, lying on the couch when he called. He was going through another “tough time” and wanted nothing more than to talk to me on the phone. I was sick and very short with him. He was able to quickly tell I was not in the mood and did not keep me on the phone very long. The next day I received a frantic phone call from his wife saying he had threatened suicide again and left their house after he had gathered a bunch of odd items like the garden hose.

Months went by. People randomly provided reports of seeing Lance at the grocery store. They would spot his truck in a parking lot or some other similar sighting. But none of the reports or police investigations turned up anything. The news finally came during deer season in the fall of 2003. I remember hugging and crying in the arms of Lance’s mother while we both were only able to mumble “it’s over.”

In typical “my buddy Lance” fashion, he duck taped the windows and doors of his truck and then did the same with a garden hose he placed in the exhaust. A hunter found his truck in some thick woods not far from a major road. He was missing for nearly 6 months.

At his funeral they asked his family and friends to stand up and tell a story about Lance’s life. I had chosen a story about one of our many wakeboarding outings, one that made me smile. In front of a church full of his family and friends I stood up and tried to speak. I managed to get four words out before I broke down in tears. “Lance was my friend” I said, before I lost complete control of my emotions. Take time to be there for your friends, you never know when it might be your last opportunity – this is one of many lessons I learned from Lance.

I miss you so much.